The Eclectic One

…Because labels are a poor substitute for thinking

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

From the Dept. of Irony

Posted by Bill Nance on October 15, 2010

Stabbing at Bellevue anger management class

SEATTLE (AP) — A 19-year-old woman is accused of stabbing another woman at an anger management class at Bellevue College.

The victim told police the 19-year-old complained about a video they were watching Saturday. When the victim said it was good and to give it a chance, the other woman swore at her. The two started talking trash.

More here

Does it get any better?

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Posted in humor, News & Analysis | Leave a Comment »

Dodging statues?

Posted by Bill Nance on December 13, 2009

ROME – An attacker hurled a statuette at Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi, striking the leader in the face at the end of a rally on Sunday and leaving the stunned 73-year-old media mogul with a bloodied mouth, police said.

I saw the story today and had to laugh at the contrast with Iraq, where they throw shoes at national leaders.

So let’s see…In Iraq they throw shoes, in Italy they throw statues… I predict Germany’s Angela Merkel will need to dodge a Tiger tank or Piano in the not too distant future.

-That is all.

Posted in Crime, humor, International, Politics | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Quote Of The Day

Posted by Bill Nance on July 28, 2009

If you’re a Republican, a lot of things are logical: the entire debt began the moment Obama took office; Bush and Cheney never tortured anyone, but Obama is about to; the WMDs really are in Iraq; the president has the constitutional power to send tanks into the streets to arrest any American without charges; deficits don’t matter; Obama is a Kenyan Muslim impostor; and Sarah Palin was qualified to be president of the United States at a moment’s notice. Politics as magical realism.

Andrew Sullivan, on the intellectual dishonesty and willful ignorance of right-wingers lately.

Posted in Barack Obama, humor, Politics, Quote of the Day, Right-Wing Nut-jobery | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You Might Be Gun-Nuts If…

Posted by Bill Nance on June 22, 2009

  1. If your Valentine’s Day present to your wife is a Sig Sauer P220 and you get serious lovin’ for the gift… You might be gun-nuts
  2. If your birthday present from your wife is a Cowboy Assault Rifle (level action rifle)… You might be gun-nuts
  3. If your idea of a good father’s Day Present for your wife’s Dad is a box of hand-made 45 Long-Colt Cowboy Action Shooting loads… You might be gun nuts
  4. If you go to the in-laws’ for dinner and bring your new shotgun to show off… You might be gun-nuts
  5. If your “date-night” consists of a candlelit dinner where you and your wife discuss the best grain-weights for the .45 ACP… You might be gun-nuts
  6. If you and your wife remark to friends that shooting is: “The most fun you can have with your clothes on…” You might be gun-nuts
  7. If you look at the 12 firearms in your safe and think to yourself:  “That’s a good start…” You might be gun-nuts

-That is all

Posted in firearms, Guns Dammit!, humor | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Snark For The Day

Posted by Bill Nance on April 30, 2009

I was listening to NPR today and heard the Swine Flu epidemic mispronounced as: SLIME Flu.

It is teh funnay.

-That is all.

Posted in humor, Le Snark | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

They Just Never Give Up

Posted by Bill Nance on January 21, 2009

In case you were wondering why it is that the Bush administration not only screwed up everything it touched, but repeated its errors again and again, this article by Peter Wehner gives ample evidence of the causes of this clusterfuck of an administration.

The Juice:

As George W. Bush spends his last few hours as President, many of us who worked for him and deeply admire him are filled with mixed feelings. It is hard to see him leave the scene with approval ratings hovering at 30 percent, with the nation clearly weary and ready to turn the page. All of us hoped he would leave the Presidency with an outpouring of gratitude and affection from the nation.

It was not to be, and it would be silly and misleading to pretend that this did not matter at all. How could it not? Yet most of us have the conviction — a fairly deep one, actually — that President Bush will be looked upon by history favorably and that his decisions will be, in the main, vindicated. The obvious question concerns what we see that most of our fellow citizens do not. Why are we convinced that Bush’s presidency will be judged a success when so many people right now consider it to be a failure?

The answer, I think, is several fold. For one things, it is rooted in the belief that on the most important issues of his presidency — keeping America safe after the attacks of 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, our broader struggle against militant Islam, the appointment of two Supreme Court justices, and more — Bush got it right or mostly right.

This doesn’t mean that there weren’t serious missteps along the way — failures in judgment, personnel, execution, communication, and persuasion. In Iraq especially, we were much too slow in recognizing the nature of the conflict and adjusting to it. Yet despite those mistakes, it is certainly possible that Iraq will end up very nearly as we initially hoped it would: free and self-governing, an ally of America instead of an enemy, a counterweight to Iran, the place that gave rise to an Arab uprising against militant Islam, and a nation that eventually helps to reshape the political culture of the Middle East. If this in fact occurs, the verdict on Bush dramatically shifts. What was widely seen as his greatest failure while in office will be seen as a significant, and even history-shaping, success. As Ambassador Ryan Crocker has said, how we leave Iraq will matter a great deal more than how we got into Iraq.

Whatever you do, DON’T take responsibility. That has been the mantra of the Bush years. That lack of acceptance has meant the same mistakes get repeated over and over. And the gist of Weher’s article is that this type of approach, to never question whether one might be wrong is good management. -No wonder bush was such a disaster with such nincompoops serving as Deputy Assistant to the President.

Remember this?

President Bush is responsible for “keeping us safe after 911?” Really?  So let me get this straight. We haven’t had another attack here since 911, therefore Bush is vindicated? That’s called a logical fallacy folks. There could be dozens of reasons why no attack has come, none of which necessarily have anything to do with Bush in particular.

First, let there be no mistake: NO American president would have failed to go into Afghanistan. Jimmy “dufus” Carter would have invaded. The public wouldn’t have stood for anything less and a clearer case of causus beli never existed. -When you can get the French to go along… well, you get the idea. So this is no Bush triumph. You don’t get to claim success based on something which absolutely anyone in the office would have done. As for the other possible reasons for no attacks? Who knows. But claiming that the Bush Administration is specifically responsible for this does not follow. Trying to claim it does is illogical and belies all the evidence of incompetence in every other possible arena.

Bottom line: We haven’t been attacked for any number of reasons, none of which can be laid at the feet of GWB. Maybe we’ve just been lucky. God knows the Bush administration’s “security theatre” we see in airports hasn’t kept us safe at all.

Similarly, the wholesale destruction in Iraq, the strengthening of Iran, the neglect of the main enemy based in Afghanistan, will never be vindicated.

George Bush is responsible for throwing out 12 years of Pentagon planning for how to invade and occupy Iraq. Army Chief of Staff Eric Shinseki testified to this fact before the war and was promptly forced into retirement for daring to call the emperor naked. The absolute clusterfuck of post-invasion Iraq has led to perhaps hundreds of thousands of civilian deaths, a fractured polity and a new ally and power base for Iran, which, unlike Iraq, actually does pose a potential threat to U.S. interests.

I supported the war and I still think it was the right thing to do. This had nothing to do with WMDs possessed at the time by Iraq, I hasten to add. I stated at the time this threat was overblown in the extreme, and I thought Colin Powell’s testimony befiore the UN was laughable. If little ‘ole Bill Nance can figure this out, the fact that Bush didn’t is all the more damning.

From Iraq to Afghanistan to Katrina and the TARP, which has mystically disappeared $350 BILLION, to Harriet Miers and “Bring it on,” the Bush presidency has been the most colossal disaster in American History.

Anyone who thinks this president will be “vindicated by history” needs to get off the crack pipe.

Posted in afghanistan, george bush, humor, Iran, iraq, National Security, Politics, Terrorism | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Sauce For The Goose

Posted by Bill Nance on January 13, 2009

Some humor from RBC:

The incoming Obama Administration confronts the problem of how to deal with the criminal (by domestic as well as international law) infliction of torture by elements of the United States government, with authority coming from the very top, and not merely on important terrorists but on random innocent victims.

While the Bush Administration has no doubt made errors in the course of its valiant attempts to protect us all from Islamofascist terrorists, in one respect it has displayed admirable creativity, from which the Obama Administration could benefit: assuming only that the President-elect is sufficiently generous-minded (as he seems to be) to be willing to learn from adversaries.

I refer to the question of the limits of executive power, or rather the unlimitedness of executive power. To call the legal positions taken by the Bush Administration “creative” would be to undervalue them: “breathtakingly audacious” would be more accurate. But those positions, and the actions taken in accordance with them, now stand as precedent, and the President-elect has expressed his admiration for audacity.

Audacity is certainly called for. Our situation today is historically unique. Not only are we (as the Bush Administration and its supporters tirelessly insist) at war with an enemy so nebulous as to guarantee that the war will have no end, but we confront strong evidence of the existence of a Fifth Column, though not the particular Fifth Column the warhawks predicted.

Every step taken since the Bush Administration took power: ignoring the al-Qaeda problem until the 9/11 attacks, covering up the role of the House of Saud in facilitating those attacks, using the aftermath of those attacks for partisan advantage rather than forming a government of national unity, allowing bin Laden’s escape, failing to establish an effective anti-Taliban coalition in Afghanistan, continuing to prop up Pervez Musharraf despite his strong support for the Islamofascist ISI, failing to secure international support for the invasion of Iraq, invading Iraq, failing to prevent looting in Iraq, disbanding the Iraqi army and most of the civil service in the name of de-Ba’athification, supporting Ahmed Chalabi in his power-lust despite his ties to Iran, staffing the CPA with ignorant young wingnuts instead of professionals, allowing the looting of the CPA by contractors and cooking up legal interpretations to protect them from criminal liability, engaging in torture, failing to cover up the fact that they were engaging in torture — Need I go on? — has tended to weaken this country, and the West, in this existential struggle.

The President-elect should, therefore, as his first official act — indeed, perhaps as part of his Inaugural Address — order the immediate detention of George W. Bush, Richard Cheney, John Ashcroft, Alberto Gonzales, Donald Rumsfeld, John Yoo, David Addington, and perhaps a few others, at a secret location outside the sovereign U.S., for the purposes of extracting from them evidence of the plot and the identities of the other participants, who can in turn be detained and interrogated to see what they have to say for themselves.

Since most bullies are also cowards, I suspect that the years of maltreatment the Bush Administration inflicted on innocent Afghani peasants to get them to make false confessions will not be necessary to get Bush and his cronies to confess. A month of hypothermia, sleep deprivation, and stress positions, or a few minutes on the waterboard, should suffice. Their confessions will retrospectively justify the interrogations. And of course they cannot be given the right to counsel, since their lawyers would necessarily learn about the interrogation techniques, which are Top Secret Codeword material as intelligence sources and methods, despite the fact that everyone in the world knows what they are. (The techniques are not original: all of them were copied from the Inquisition, the Gestapo, and the KGB.)

Now perhaps some future court might decide that these methods, as applied to people whose status generally makes them “non-torturable,” actually exceeded the President’s powers, even in wartime. But not only would that decision be wrong on its face — since those powers have no limits — but even bringing the case would be wrong. As all our Wise Men agree, no senior official should ever be held legally accountable for actions in the name of national security, no matter how horrible those actions might be.

Posted in humor, Politics | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cops arrest wedding party

Posted by Bill Nance on December 21, 2008

Police in Lowell, Massachusetts arrested six people after a fight erupted at a wedding:

One officer used pepper spray as well over a dozen officers subdued the crowd and arrested six men on charges of disorderly conduct and affray.

Police call it a fight. We Irish call it a garden-variety wedding discussion. I guess something got lost in the translation.

Posted in humor, Le Snark, News & Analysis | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Proof that women are smarter than men

Posted by Bill Nance on December 20, 2008

OK, it’s perhaps an old joke to some of you, but it’s still funny.

God finished making everything on the earth, then he called Adam and Eve to make an announcement:

“Children,” he said, ” I have two gifts left over. And Adam, as the first created, you get to choose which one you want.”

Adam considered a moment and said: “Gee whiz! I wanna pee standing up!”

And it was so.

Eve then sighed, did her very best to look like a victim of male oppression and added: “OK, I guess I’ll just have to settle for multiple orgasms.”

-That is all

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A holiday note for the sensitivity police

Posted by Bill Nance on December 17, 2008

I know, it’s sick. It’s also funny as Hell.

Posted in humor, Le Snark | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »